Questionable progress

If I was so dedicated to my studies as I happen to be to webcomics, my grade's average would be ridiculously high.

My questionable (nomen omen) priorities aside, I hope I'm close to realising another important thing. Not much of a discovery actually, most people must have come around this at some point of their lives. Anyhow, I'm tired of worrying and trying. Sure, I'm doing pretty well playing the happy-go-lucky and all hakuna matata, but is that really so? With all this drama around my friends, from November through December and January, it got me kind of emotionally exhausted. I've had definitely enough. So, what should I do now?

Quite simple: be cool. Well, literally, that's it. Stop making a fool of myself, trying to do... get... well, whatever the hell I wanted. I was so impatient about everything, particularly girls. It turned out all but satisfactory. The trick will be not to wait per se, but to not worry about it. May be tricky (which should be expected, it's a trick after all), but let's just see what happens next.

It sounds so zen. More and more things I come up with sound as such. Which is strange, considering my loathing of this philosophy, or whatever it is. Maybe it's time to rewrite the great wisdom of the East. Or at least to issue a patch introducing compatibility with 21st century.

And don't mind the tags.

Dossing around

Dunno whether it's yet another motivation crisis, the flu, simply being tired, maybe the aftermath of the annual winter love story with no happy ending (or not the happiest possible at least). Whatever the cause, I can't focus on... well, on anything.

It's not like I couldn't manage. Get these few projects of students' scientific club finished, write a simple program, review a short book, prepare for a friendly exam, write two short articles and a longer one for the Bachelor's degree, apply for studies abroad, show up at our history reenactment group's meeting... Damn, when I list it, I am both sure it's doable and still... can't get down to actually doing any of these things. I'm slacking off on the Internet or watching films instead. Making another cup of tea, hoping I'll start doing any of these things. It makes me angry, which in turn calls for something to calm me down, like, I don't know, wasting even more time! And so the circle goes.

And there's this weird sensation of everything being unreal, not concerning me at all. The hell, I'm clean, I'm sober, I'm fully awake - and it still gets me. Not to my liking.

I've always imagined that if I found my "other half" (or however you call such person), it would give me motivation. This theory is not disproved, though I'm afraid it's just me idealising the impact of hypothetical relationship. So I could say, "it's because I'm alone" instead of simply "I'm lazy". The only effect I know it has is that I have one more thing to think about rather than do anything productive.

So I should stop writing this post and actually do something, right? Like, right now! The problem is, I know it. I know it all too well, and still can't do anything about it. Maybe if I had someone, anyone, just a room-mate I could bare talking to (unlike my actual room-mate) doing something, maybe then I would do something myself. Or maybe it's just another excuse. Probably the latter.

What the hell is wrong with me?