What doesn't mix well with fluoxetine

First things first: my psychiatrist is not sure whether I'm suffering from depression, so she sent me to a psychologist to get more background. Another week and a half of waiting. In the meantime, she prescribed me fluoxetine (aka Prozac), saying it won't hurt, but might help. Needless to say, I was eager to try it.

For the medicine to take any noticeable effect will take at least two to three weeks, but I'm pretty sure it already works in the system. The doctor said that a bit of alcohol won't be a problem, the thing is, she must have known a different measurements for 'a bit'. Long story short, I got completely wasted with amounts that wouldn't otherwise have that much of an effect on me. Lesson learned - drink less or nothing at all.

In retrospect, it was really stupid of me. Some things you've got to find out for yourself, though. I'm glad this misadventure ended up with just a few bruises. Another thing: when having low alcohol tolerance, always make sure that you won't be going home by yourself. It shouldn't need a mention, right? Well, I happen to lack some basic survival instincts on occasions.

Other news - I was invited on a trip to China. I must say, if it works, it might cure my disappointment with cancelled journeys of last summer. Tonight we'll be discussing the when and how.

There are quite a few things going on, concerning people, travels, work, education. I just hope I won't miss it because of inactivity - more and more deadlines come, and even though I could deal with all of it in one afternoon... I can't. I'd love to, but I can't. I'd need someone standing right behind me, urging me to make appointments, send mails etc. Why would I make it so difficult for myself? I have no idea.

Let's hope it's clinical

When going to sleep, I set an alarm clock, so I wouldn't lose all day. In the morning, I turned it off with no second thoughts and laid till after noon. I was not sleeping - there was just nothing important enough to get up.

One could say that I got attracted to the possibility that I'm actually suffering from depression and so can't be held fully responsible for my actions or lack thereof. A valid point, I'd say, if not for the fact that it's nothing new - even when I was sure it's just my laziness I couldn't muster the resolve to do... anything.

When I called to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, a receptionist lady asked if it was something urgent. She was clearly trying to sound cheerful, almost turning it into a joke; she said I sounded calm, so how could it be that serious? She got somewhat defensive when I said that although I was not going to kill myself, I've been continuously unnecessarily complicating my life wasting one opportunity after another for at least four or five years already. And so I managed to schedule a visit within two weeks.

I'm not indulging in any new kinds of inactivity. What I'm doing though is observing if they fit within depression's symptoms. Naturally, they do. I still hope I'm not making it up, trying to justify myself and shed the responsibility.

Like taking a long shower, sitting with knees close to the chest, wishing it would last forever, so I wouldn't have to go out and face... anything, anyone. Or playing a film and watching it for just a few minutes before I've had enough. It's nothing new, I just think I found a common denominator.

I will be terribly disappointed with myself if it won't be a medical condition.

It's all about serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.

I've had it enough with the inability to do anything. I'm spending whole days doing nothing. Studying, writing, reading, watching films, even wasting time on the web - everything lost any appeal it might have had. So I listened to my friend and decided to see a psychiatrist.

I am yet to schedule a visit, so I'm not diagnosed with anything yet, but if it was depression (which should be clear in the following weeks), I guess I have a few thoughts to share already.

My friend's been trying to make me look for help for quite a few years now. Why wouldn't I listen? I guess I presumed everyone had similar problems with motivation and whatnot. I do not consider myself oh-so-special, so much wiser and more conscious than anyone else; we're all the same kind of animals, after all, and so we face all the same issues. My parents and few other people say I'm just lazy and carefree, and I too came to believe so. All I would need to do is actually do something, right? If everyone else can, so should I. What I never took into account was the possibility that I might be suffering from an illness.

Even now I fear it's just another justification for my laziness. After all, it's not difficult to rationalise one's actions. "It's not because I'm lazy, I'm depressed. It's a clinical state." Sounds believable, doesn't it?

When I have flu or any other physical sickness, I can't remember how did I feel when I was healthy and vice versa. Why would it be any different with your head? I wouldn't admit I was sick, being sure everyone else felt just the same. Actually, it would be some great news to hear that my condition can be cured.

Let's get it at least diagnosed, then.