I've had it enough with the inability to do anything. I'm spending whole days doing nothing. Studying, writing, reading, watching films, even wasting time on the web - everything lost any appeal it might have had. So I listened to my friend and decided to see a psychiatrist.
I am yet to schedule a visit, so I'm not diagnosed with anything yet, but if it was depression (which should be clear in the following weeks), I guess I have a few thoughts to share already.
My friend's been trying to make me look for help for quite a few years now. Why wouldn't I listen? I guess I presumed everyone had similar problems with motivation and whatnot. I do not consider myself oh-so-special, so much wiser and more conscious than anyone else; we're all the same kind of animals, after all, and so we face all the same issues. My parents and few other people say I'm just lazy and carefree, and I too came to believe so. All I would need to do is actually do something, right? If everyone else can, so should I. What I never took into account was the possibility that I might be suffering from an illness.
Even now I fear it's just another justification for my laziness. After all, it's not difficult to rationalise one's actions. "It's not because I'm lazy, I'm depressed. It's a clinical state." Sounds believable, doesn't it?
When I have flu or any other physical sickness, I can't remember how did I feel when I was healthy and vice versa. Why would it be any different with your head? I wouldn't admit I was sick, being sure everyone else felt just the same. Actually, it would be some great news to hear that my condition can be cured.
Let's get it at least diagnosed, then.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment