For the first time I'm failing really miserably. I'm behind all the deadlines, still got quite a few assignments, an exam, and... There's too much to count. Why haven't I done it all earlier? I had lots of time, more than ever. Fuck! I've been to a psychologist with this pathological procrastination and laziness. Wasn't of much help, unfortunately.
If I am to finish these studies this year, I need quite a few miracles to happen. I'm not sure I still in believe them, though. I feel like such an idiot...
I should have chosen studies that I would be into, not something that simply looked like fun at the time. Sure, it was - is - fun. But I have no incentive to study, none at all. If I got the diploma somehow, I certainly wouldn't feel as someone qualified. I learnt a few things, yes, but it's far from competent in the field. Ironically enough, my grades suggest something completely different.
Incomprehensible blabber. It looks like a panic attack combined with self-pity and anger... And most probably, that's exactly what it is. Everything infuriates me, I can't speak to people in civilised manner.
And why the hell can't I do anything about it? I want to, I try to, yet it all turns futile. Of course I'm the only one to blame, I can't see how it is to change anything that I know who's guilty, though.
Let's say it's all because of tomorrow's Lunar eclipse. I wish I was gullible enough to fall for it and stop hating myself over this ridiculous failure.
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